I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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