Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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