maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize