If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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