the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
