enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
