Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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