apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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