Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize