i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
