Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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