matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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