I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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