I think I just saw someone hide a body.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
