I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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