I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
