I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
