the day after is always just damage control
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
