some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
