He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize