i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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