Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
