In the future we'll all be gay
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
