you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
