Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
