1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
