Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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