im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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