I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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