Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
