Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
