I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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