i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
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