Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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