Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
