its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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