I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
