my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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