bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize