I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
