oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
