Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
