Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
