theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize