I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We got so high we made milksteak
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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