grandma shit on top of the toilet
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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