yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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