I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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