fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
