you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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