pedialite and red bull = repair kit
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Randomize
