Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
