Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
