Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
