I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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