and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
