the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
