I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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