Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
