my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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