Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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