And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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