Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
