Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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