I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
