I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
