can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
