The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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