He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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