Don't you send me to vm
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
FUCK WHALES
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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