Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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