Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
