Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
