I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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