woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize