I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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