you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
