Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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