If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize