Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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