where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
