The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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