How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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