I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
