so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
