I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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