accomplished twins. life is a go
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
