Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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