My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
