yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
