I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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