you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
