He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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