I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
