i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
