Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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