lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Sorry about my life...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
