Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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