I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
