Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize