It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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